How to Be love

This is not something that’s going to happen overnight, but the more you practice accepting and loving yourself and loving other people, the more people are likely to love you!

Learning to Love Yourself

Understand that you determine how other people will see you. If you see yourself as ultimately unlovable that’s going to influence people into thinking that you’re unlovable. It’s important, first and foremost, to see yourself as lovable, because you are lovable.

Expecting people to find you lovable if you don’t find yourself lovable is putting way too much pressure on other people.
Because you determine how you see yourself, if you act with confidence in your own lovableness, other people are more likely to see that and respond to that, even if they are only doing so subconsciously.

Be compassionate with your feelings.
Pay attention to how you feel. If you feel down about something, ask yourself why you feel that way? What caused it? Is it related to something bigger than just one specific incident?

Learn to recognize the negative things you tell yourself. Everyone has an inner critic that tells them all the awful and bad things they’re doing. You can never fully get rid of that inner critic, but you can help shed light on those negative thoughts, giving them less power to control you.[2]
Consider why you feel like you’re not lovable. Is it because someone recently broke up with you? Is it because you tell yourself that you’re ugly, or that your personality is too weird?

Pay attention to these thought processes. When you do find that you’re having a negative thought about yourself, acknowledge that you’re having a negative thought, and replace it with a positive or neutral thought.

Validate yourself instead of seeking validation. Putting the pressure on other people to validate you and make you feel good about yourself puts you in a completely powerless situation. Instead of looking for other people to validate you, practice validating yourself.[3]
Set up a gratitude journal that is focused on the things you appreciate about yourself. Record at least three things every day that you’re grateful for about yourself.

Ask yourself what sort of validation you need right now. Ask yourself what will make you feel better, feel more balanced, healthier, and then give that validation to yourself.
Avoid taking yourself too seriously. It’s hard to deal with life when every single thing that happens makes you feel the weight of the world. If you have a tendency to talk too much with a person that you’re romantically into, don’t get down on yourself about it. Instead make a joke out of the situation.[4]

Things like being a little clumsy, doing something horrifically embarrassing can be a chance to laugh at yourself (kindly).
Let yourself be imperfect. At no point in life are you going to be perfect. That’s okay! No one else is either. If you’re thinking that you have to be perfect to be lovable, cease that thinking right now.[5]

Enjoy your life. People tend to be drawn to those who are happier and are having more fun with their life. Instead of trying to make yourself or your life “perfect,” start to enjoy the things that are already in it.

Learn to be alone. No one is guaranteed a relationship and that’s okay, because you don’t need a relationship to be happy. Being lovable is all about being okay on your own, loving yourself so that you don’t depend on other people to do so.[6]